YOU might have heard of the term gaslighting when it comes to relationships. But one expert has now revealed that you could actually be doing th
YOU might have heard of the term gaslighting when it comes to relationships.
But one expert has now revealed that you could actually be doing this to yourself.
You might think that gaslighting can only happen in a relationship – but you can actually also gaslight yourself[/caption]
Dr Julie Smith said there are three tell tale signs which mean you could be gaslighting yourself[/caption]
The act is essentially a control tactic which can be used to manipulate others by using deceptive behaviour to make you doubt your own sanity.
This can often make the victim feel like they are going crazy, questioning their actions, while explaining away their own.
Gaslight tactics are frequently used by sociopaths, narcissists and abusive or controlling partners in relationships.
The effects can be devastating and damaging to mental health.
Read more on gaslighting
We were gaslighted by our men, they forced us to lie & said we were overreact
I’m a relationship psychologist – here’s the 10 signs you’re being gaslighted
Psychologist Dr Julie Smith said there are three warning signs that could mean you’ve actually started to gaslight yourself.
Posting to TikTok she said the three indicators are:
Dr Smith explained you’re gaslighting yourself if you’ve started to blame yourself for everything.
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“You’ll make excuses for other people’s behaviour, but if you make a mistake, you believe that it says something fundamental about who you are as a person.”
The second sign, she said, is that you never trust your own judgement.
She added: “But you see the opinions of other people as a much more credible source.
“So you live in an almost constant state of self-doubt and you look to other people for clarity.”
The third sign, she said is that you invalidate or ignore your own feelings.
Dr Smith said that this is usually because you have come to believe that you’re oversensitive, or you overreact.
This, she says, makes you believe that you don’t know which emotions to listen to anymore.
How to stop it
If this sounds like you, then there are things you can do to stop.
Clinical psychologist, Dr Aimee Daramus said most of the time, our opinions and thoughts are made up of those of others’.
She said that when you have a thought which identifies with gaslighting behaviours, that you should ask yourself who the opinion really belongs to.
The guru added that a lot of the time, it usually stems from a person who convinced you to think about yourself in a negative way, such as a parent, sibling or partner, even if they initially meant well.
Dr Daramus said that you also need to consider whether someone you love, would talk to you the way you talk to yourself.
“When you’re invalidating yourself, ask yourself if a friend was talking about themselves this way, what would you tell them?”
If you’re in a pattern of gaslighting yourself, she said that you might need to turn away from your thoughts and use mindful awareness to address them.
She explained that if you have one of these thoughts, then it’s important to recognise that it’s just a thought, and turn your attention to something else.
When you’re invalidating your choices and decisions, Dr Daramus said it’s important to try and see other points of view.
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“When you’re convincing yourself that you’re not talented, consider some other realistic possibilities,” she said.
For instance she suggested recognising your flaws, and admitting that you are good at what you do, but that you’re not perfect.