'Gutfeld!' on border crisis


This is a rush transcript of ‘Gutfeld!’ from May 25, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

LAURA INGRAHAM, FOX NEWS HOST: Oh, come on. It happens to the best of us. 

Psaki symptoms, though, seem pretty severe. It’s all the time we have tonight. Gutfeld next.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: But there’s, you know, there — to be, you know, beginning this effort for 2021 is — I think we’ve learned a few lessons from last year as well. There’s help us — we — there may, you know, been there to help clear roads, rebuild, main streets and so that the families can get back to their lives. That’s what FEMA does every single day.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Nailed it. All right. So, as we report on the crisis at the border, we’ve overlooked a crisis between our borders, domestic migration. Americans who are moving from one state to another, also known as sweet freedom. We touched on it last week. 

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Here’s the big problem.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes.

GUTFELD: Domestic migration. Do you know what that is?

TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: It’s people moving from one place to another.

GUTFELD: Yes. And — but they bring — he’s right, but they’re bringing their bad ideas with them. 

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: God, if I was any dumber, I’d be Nicolle Wallace. So it’s the cause and effect that comes from being overtaxed, under protected and treated like crap. It’s like you’re permanently living on a Delta flight. 

As David Keltz in The American Spectator reports California, New York, New Jersey, Michigan and Illinois, all states in the union, Kat, lost a combined four million residents. And that’s not even including gun or COVID victims.

They’re losing people quicker than CNN’s primetime. Meanwhile, Republican- led states like Florida, Texas, Tennessee, Ohio and Arizona saw large increases. That’s from the U.S. Census Bureau, which is likely under estimating this shift, since who fills out a census form when they’re in the E.R. with a knife wound sitting next to the guy who knifed you. But this mask exodus from blue to red raises the key question.

How much aggravation will this migration bring to the resident population? 

What are these new neighbors bring with them besides their arms are made for hugging bumper stickers and their hankering for responsibly raised chicken? Well, they’re used to being taxed. California has the highest income tax rate in America at 13.3 percent. All of it goes to Gavin Newsom’s hair products. God forbid a duck ever gets stuck in that mess.

 They’re also used to — they’re also used to anti-gun laws that prevent you from protecting your family. As crime soars in Manhattan and police are making fewer arrests. I still can’t get a gun for my apartment. And I’m a huge star on basic cable, who does get death threats, mostly from Tyrus. 

When he catches — when catches me trying on his pants. Now compare that to the places these people are moving to.

Florida, Texas and Tennessee. They have no income tax, no income tax. I don’t even know what that’s like. It must be like doing a wonderful drug. 

Meanwhile, Texas lawmakers just approved a measure allowing people to carry handguns without a license. Fact check me on this but I believe even your gun is required to wear a smaller gun. So you have more money in your pocket and basically people will leave you alone purely for safety reasons.

That is heaven. The opposite of a blue state. In California with violent crime, lost jobs, businesses, closing lockdowns, homelessness, suddenly the city by the bay looks like the city by the Bay of Pigs. It’s nowhere to raise a family unless your kids really like camping. In 2020, over 135,000 people fled California in their feces and crusted crocs. That’s more people who have seen Joy Reid’s show in seven years.

It’s so bad there that when you step in dog poop, you think I’m so glad it’s dog poop. Of course, the rich lives don’t care. The homeless will never get past their gate, the gate that does the exact same thing as Trump’s wall that they’ve been calling racist for the last four years.

Meanwhile, 3.5 7 million people left New York City. 357. Rather ironic since if they could have owned guns, many would have stayed.

New York used to be a tourist destination. But what’s the see besides people being attacked in Times Square? Maybe that’s a whole new type of tourism live crime. You’ll have a great story If you survive. But what about Broadway, Greg? Well, who wants to get slashed by a homeless guy while waiting in line? I’m going to see Death of a Salesman, not death of a customer. A Big Apple has become the Big Sleep.

Murders jumped 45 percent from 2019 to 2020. Within nearly 100 percent increase in shootings. Seems like the only businesses making money are funeral homes. New York has lost $34 billion in revenue due to this exodus. 

That’s more than I make in a year. And let’s not forget New Jersey nearby. 

I know we want to with the most COVID deaths per capita even with strict lockdowns and then you got Michigan become a joke with massive unemployment and its silly governor scolding citizens while she cavorts maskless with friends.

And then of course, there’s Chicago with a mayor who thinks racism is a solution to rising homicides and shootings. I wonder what the angry white male has to say.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) 

SHILLUE: Yes. I suppose I would consider moving then there’s always option two. Buy a lot of supplies and declare my basement my own country.

(END VIDEO CLIP) 

GUTFELD: He was any wider he’d be Bret Baier. So what’s the — what’s the angry black male have to say?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) 

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: What’s up? People are leaving the blue state moving to the red states, huh? Yes, no kidding. Look what I did. Oh yes. (INAUDIBLE) so I guess you all be my neighbors. Howdy neighbor.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So those who leave bring their Louis Vuitton bags filled with bad ideas with them. And if they do, how do you, a Texan, a Floridian, a Tennessean stop them? Turns out maybe you can’t. But what you can do as a friendly neighbor is introduce them to the finer points of life started with a Bundt cake in the shape of a Glock. A housewarming gift if you will. 

Tell them it’s loaded with whiskey and gluten.

Then maybe show them how to use your B.B. gun on local varmints. See, it’s baby steps. That’s the gateway drug to freedom. Then take them shooting before you know they’ll be putting a gun rack on junior stroller. And if they don’t, do it for them. That’s only neighborly.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let’s welcome tonight’s guests. We call him Loverboy because he’s always working for the weekend. Fox and Friends weekend cohost and host of the Will Cain Podcast, Will Cain. He’s the only money expertly dressed with our swear jar, Bahnsen Group founder and National Review writer, David Bahnsen. She’d be woke if it weren’t for all the Ambien. Fox News contributor Kat Timpf.

And he hands back the menu and says, yes. My massive sidekick and host of “NUFF SAID” on Fox Nation, Tyrus. 

TYRUS: Yes, I can.

GUTFELD: You know, Tyrus, pertaining to the angry blackmailing. What advice would you give to your neighbor if your neighbor comes from a blue state?

TYRUS: Stay off my grass. I’m not joining any of your clubs. I don’t want to hear a funny story. And I don’t want to hear about any of your other black friends. Act accordingly.

GUTFELD: There you go.

TYRUS: I think that’s pretty — I mean, that’s basically all you can ask for.

GUTFELD: That is true.

TYRUS: Because if you — the one thing I learned very quickly going from California to Louisiana. We all mind our own business. I mean, we’re cool. 

Everyone knows everybody. Good morning, but it’s short. Anything longer. 

That’s liberal and everyone stares at you. You’re allowed about 15 to 20 seconds to get your good mornings in and then you can make a comment about the trees growing a little bit over.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: If you want to look at it this weekend. Yes, I’ll get to that. And that’s about it.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Don’t act brand new, act like you’re supposed to be there and just –

– it’s OK for uncomfortable silences when two guys get in their trucks going to work. It’s fine. You don’t have to fill it with, hey, did you see what was going on in the sports yesterday?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: I know you don’t watch sports because you said did you see what’s going on in the sports. You know, just relax, Libs. Just relax. We were accepting, just don’t, you know, act like you own the place or be sadder than me.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: You know, I saw that Netflix special on slavery, bro. That’s going to piss me off.

GUTFELD: Will, you still live in Texas?

WILL CAIN, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Yes, still live in Texas. Born and raised in Texas, lived here for 15 years. Now I’m part of this statistic you’re quoting. I left New York in January like Tyrus to get back to my roots and to get back to a red state. And my advice is, assimilate.

What you said last weekend, you moved here for a reason. Don’t bring the reasons that you left the last place to this place. Assimilate.

GUTFELD: Yes. But however, here’s the problem. There’s a combination of Stockholm syndrome and amnesia. They leave and then they forget why they left and then they kind of like almost replant the bad ideas. That’s the weird thing.

CAIN: I can say there’s legitimate concern. I don’t know about Louisiana, but there’s definitely legitimate concern in Texas among the natives. 

GUTFELD: Yes.

CAIN: That this place is going to get changed. All these people moving from California.

TYRUS: Oh, like the blue in Louisiana? No. And here’s what I’ve learned. 

And here’s what they’ve said. There’s two different groups of people moving to Texas. There are those that are moving because they’re escaping a lockdown state, they’re moving to a free state and those people understand and are ready to be free. The people that are moving for economic conditions, their jobs have pulled them down to Texas. Those are the ones you have to worry about who bring their politics with them.

GUTFELD: Hmm. Is there any way, David, to like to stop them from watching this? I think it’s happening in Austin. Where are you — where do you live?

DAVID BAHNSEN, NATIONAL REVIEW WRITER: So I’m half the time here in Manhattan, half the time in Newport Beach, California. So I’m like taking one for the team here in both states, like I’m doing everything wrong. 

GUTFELD: Right.

BAHNSEN: But no, I think the reality is you said it when people don’t want the crime and they don’t want the taxes, regulation. I think they take some of those things. They won’t take all of them. It’s like when all of it piles on together. But you look at Arizona is going to have more Californians in the Phoenix area in a few years than it has Arizonans. That blue state, the red state deal is real.

But I think for the most part, even when they go for economic reasons, I still think they kind of know we at least a sort of purple state mentality. 

I don’t think it’s totally sociological, that they want all the blue state stuff they left. It hasn’t happened yet. No states that totally flipped for migration.

GUTFELD: I was in a purple state once.

TYRUS: OK. I’m not doing that.

GUTFELD: You don’t even know what I was talking about.

TYRUS: I know where it’s going. And I’m saying no.

GUTFELD: Look. I read that —

TYRUS: Kat, it’s your turn. 

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I read about it in a magazine.

TYRUS: Of course, you did. Yes.

GUTFELD: It wasn’t supposed to go that way.

TYRUS: Was a — was a magazine had a fruit name by any chance?

GUTFELD: You know, Kat, what people don’t understand is that it’s not just a contrast in services but also who you share your services with. For example, if you were to go to the hospital for an emergency, in a nice suburban town, you might be fine. But in midtown Manhattan, you could be in hell.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Yes. Went through that last night. 

And it was in hell. You know, husbands, you know, infected bug bite leg exploded, very discovered.

GUTFELD: Or so he says.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: And infect — who gets an infected bug bite?

TIMPF: It’s cellulitis. I can send you some photos while you’re eating if you want. And it was great. We went there and we really didn’t fit in because we forgot to stay up for four or five days on drugs committing crimes before we went in there. I mean, you go to an E.R. there’s always going to be shall we say characters there, OK?

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: This was all cared. I did not see evidence of anyone suffering from something that had to do with a pass like a pathogen or a kitchen knife accident.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: OK? It was like people in handcuffs, like police — people screaming. I didn’t hear a sneeze. I didn’t hear a cough. OK? I heard Obama killed my grandpa, you (BLEEP) that I heard, OK?

GUTFELD: You mean Kilmeade was there?

TIMPF: But that I — it was — it was a guy trying to break into the fridge where they keep like all the little sandwiches, somewhat. You know? Tweeker who’d been up for (INAUDIBLE) like crawling off the cup pointing the camera. Your ankle is big. It was crazy. There was — and there was nobody else there that was just like, oh, I’m suffering from, you know, something. 

But it — you know how bad it is is the first question they asked my husband who was like the crappiest dude you’ve ever seen in your life was were you injecting drugs in that (INAUDIBLE) because that’s all they see. 

TYRUS: Did you have his back or like, well, were you?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Were you?

TYRUS: Well, explain to the doctor.

TIMPF: Sitting there in his army lacrosse hoodie asking him if he’s injecting drugs. No.

GUTFELD: Well, you know, that would be octaves razor. The simplest explanation would be he was injecting drugs and not this spider bite. But we won’t get into that here. We’ll discuss it in the break. Maybe we’ll have some kind of session. All right. Up next. Crime rates rise while the White House denies.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Her answer on crime is the worst of all time. I speak of White House press secretary Jen Psaki or as she’s known in my House, White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki. We’re not very original. Who — when asked this week if the country had a crime problem blamed it all on, you know what.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Four thousand more people shot and killed by guns in

2020 compared to the year before, is there a crime problem in this country?

PSAKI: Well, I would say certainly there is a guns problem. And that’s something the President would say and there are communities where local violence and community violence is an issue and that’s one of the reasons that we have proposed and have — now are implementing funding for community violence prevention programs across the country.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Well, it doesn’t take a genius to point out that our logic here doesn’t really work. While dodging the crime question she’s removing the individual responsibility from these acts of criminality placing the action on the object not the person. She’s also ignoring the city’s far-left policies that have helped far more criminals than leaving your doors unlocked. Anyway, this makes me wonder how Psaki is preparing for her next press conference.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You know, Jim, they loved your answer about crime. But what about the obesity epidemic?

TIMPF: That’s because of food.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Ah. Too many cheeseburgers on the streets. Brilliant. 

What about car accidents? 40,000 deaths a year.

TIMPF: That’s the automobiles.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, it’s a car problem. OK. OK. Well, what about the opioid crisis?

TIMPF: That is a foil straw and a nostril problem?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How do we solve it?

TIMPF: Masks, if you’re wearing. A mask, you can’t do snort the drugs?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes. I — who’s snorts opioids?

TIMPF: All right. Certainly a lot of people I saw last night probably did. 

Yes.

GUTFELD: Why do we have — why do people — you’re a libertarian.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Who believe that the individual is responsible for their own actions. Why is this such an issue with Democrats?

TIMPF: Right. I believe that because it makes sense.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: What she said doesn’t make sense. She might have a point, if, first of all, all the crimes we’re talking about were gun crimes. And second of all, that anything, could have — legislation wise, could have prevented the ones that were gun crimes. But neither of those things are true. 

GUTFELD: It’s true.

TIMPF: So she doesn’t have a point. 

GUTFELD: No.

TIMPF: Then she goes on and she goes certain communities. It’s like, oh, you mean like New York, or Chicago where there’s incredibly strict gun laws. So yes, individual responsibility I believe in because it actually makes sense. And I — it doesn’t rely on trying to, you know, overstep, or dodge around the question like she did there.

GUTFELD: You know, I think, David that she mistook effect for cause, right? 

She’s saying that like more people are buying guns because of the rising crime. And they believe that the police are essentially hamstrung by their leaders. So they’re buying guns, but she’s saying, oh, no, the reason we have more crime is because people are buying all these guns.

BAHNSEN: Yes, she has the chicken or egg all backwards. When I’m hearing her talk. It sounds like people should be buying guns. 

GUTFELD: Yes.

BAHNSEN: Because she’s describing environment, so it’d become more protective. But I also liked the logic personally, if I can apply it to the things that bother me in my life, I was thinking how I don’t have a weight problem. I have a pants problem.

GUTFELD: That’s —

TYRUS: You are woke.

BAHNSEN: Thank you. But no, it’s a crisis of responsibility.

GUTFELD: Yes. You know, I would —

TIMPF: They’re body shaming you.

GUTFELD: I would go —

BAHNSEN: Exactly.

GUTFELD: I would go to the clothing store right now and just tell them that. Shame on you. 

BAHNSEN: It’s not right. It’s not right.

GUTFELD: It’s nor right.

BAHNSEN: And even the mirror in the store. This mirror is unfair. I don’t know. It’s a crisis of responsibility. And the idea we’re going to blame. 

It would be one thing if it was this bad thing that she said. It really is their mentality. And it really is a mentality across most things in the ideological spectrum. This is how they view society. And they — there’s always some excuse and there’s always a victim. It’s an awful way to view.

GUTFELD: I just — you just gave me an idea called the woke mirror. I don’t know what it is. 

TYRUS: There’s some — but there’s something —

GUTFELD: There’s something there the —

(CROSSTALK)

BAHNSEN: There’s something.

GUTFELD: It’s where you see — the mirror — it’s up to the mirror to make you see — why am I working out this idea right now?

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Yes. This is a segment, Greg. Voices stop, voices stop. Talk to Will. Will.

CAIN: Yes.

GUTFELD: You actually could see a response coming. Couldn’t you? Like you knew exactly what he was going to say?

CAIN: Yes, because it’s a tried and true playbook to David’s point. It doesn’t matter what the issue is. Find the — find the way to, you know, opt out of individual responsibility, but this one’s going to be a total loser for them. Because to your point, people have been buying guns in record numbers over the past year. So good luck, good luck beating this hobbyhorse in the future, you are never going to win the election on gun control. Never again.

GUTFELD: I think that after what happened last year, too. You can’t have a gun control argument if you’re defending the police. I don’t know how that works. Tyrus, how many guns do you own?

TYRUS: Forty-seven.

GUTFELD: Do you really?

TYRUS: Yes.

GUTFELD: Forty-seven.

TYRUS: And they all have names. And my personal favorite is see me no more. 

You meet her, you will see her no more. So, you know, I — Will has made a great point. They — the people who are screaming no guns are the same people who are screaming no police.

GUTFELD: Right.

TYRUS: Not knowing that if the police are gone, you better hope you have 47 guns with nicknames ready to go. Here’s the joke. They don’t want to reform the police and they want to take away the guns for the people who actually register and go through it the proper way. Because there’s this great rap song from back in the day the A.K. wasn’t registered (BLEEP) 

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: You know what I’m saying? Like if you’re — if you’re criminal, if you take guns away from criminals, great, we’ll just get knives and we’ll use cars, then we’ll use tease so then you’ll come out (INAUDIBLE) across America start pulling those teeth. That’s the only way we’re going to — we need teeth control because these guys are biting, you know, but bad people find a way. The problem is we need to focus on the actual bad people.

How do we do that? We give our cops raises and information and funding and technology to do so and we reform, we start — we stopped arresting a guy for selling a bag of weed and giving him 10 years to start wrestling the guy who’s screaming about Obama’s mom in the E.R. trying to bite poor cam which causes like to scroll up because the guy identified as a black widow spider. Start locking those guys up, you know.

BAHNSEN: Before you can put resources into finding the bad people you have to believe there’s such thing as bad people.

TIMPF: Well, in the red state this — we don’t — we believe in our police things and when the criminals — well, we always usually say guilty first and then it’s up to them to clear that up but, you know, especially you know, that’s the American T.V. way. Of course you did it. They said you did it. Oh, you didn’t do it? Cool. Welcome. Come on to the PTA. You know that’s how we are. You know, we, you know, guilty first and — or kind of.

GUTFELD: Yes. 

TYRUS: But we have police officers to keep us in line.

HUNT: All right. Up next. Did John Cena pander to avoid commie slander?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: How could a mountain of Braun sell out Taiwan? WWE talent and movie star John Cena beg forgiveness for calling Taiwan a country and not a wholly owned subsidiary of the Communist mainland. In an interview promoting the latest Fast and Furious, a film series about wasting gas, Cena said Taiwan is the first country that can watch “F9”. I had no idea there are F8. That’s a major booboo according to Beijing, which goes after any public mention of Taiwan as an independent nation, even though the islands that a self-governed democracy for 70 years. The commies weren’t having it. Thank god Cena it stood up to them, right? 

John Cena can grovel in two languages. Looks like all those body slams broke his backbone too. Of course, I didn’t write that. I didn’t write that that was it or not. That’s one of our staff writers. I had nothing —

TYRUS: You’re crossing some serious lines. I’m trying to keep it you know, I’m trying to keep it you know, cool, but you watch a step with wrestling.

GUTFELD: I’m going to — hold on, let me get to the — finish this and then I’ll get to you. Now, worldwide, China punishes unflattering speeds using political and economic leverage. Internally, they use the lighter touch of running you over with a tank. Like other corporations who make big bucks in China, foreign studios gladly look the other way despite the documented human rights violations. “F9” took in nearly 136 million in China over the weekend enough to make even the most nimble wrestler bend over on demand. 

TYRUS: OK, Greg. I warned him. You all heard me warn him, right? 

GUTFELD: But you think I could take John Cena? 

TYRUS: Take him, what, to lunch? OK. 

GUTFELD: I thought I was the only well-built man who could speak Mandarin.

TYRUS: Under five feet. Yes. After that, you know. Here’s the thing. First of all, man, John Cena is one of the nicest human beings on the planet. 

GUTFELD: He’s getting a, he’s getting bum — you think he’s getting a bum rap on this? 

TYRUS: Yes, because it’s — here’s the deal. He, he’s not stupid. He’s an extremely smart businessman. And I’m sorry, how much money was it again, Greg? 

GUTFELD: $136 million. 

TYRUS: $136 millions. Yes, sayonara too bro, I didn’t say it, but I’m sorry for him. Listen, most movies today are made for the Chinese market. That’s where the money’s at. So, sorry, Taiwan. Whoops, he made a mistake in an interview and he cleaned it up. He didn’t just clean it up. He said it in Mandarin, which loosely translated is like, look, my bad y’all still buy my stuff won’t happen again. 

Tomato, tomato, state, scone same thing. Cena, he made a marketing mistake, that’s why he apologized because he’s not dumb. Like Cena has been on the forefront as far as working with marketing and stuff. It was years ago, he gave me great advice. He said, listen, you need if you’re going to do movies and stuff, you really need to invest in know what’s going on in China, you need to know how it works. And things like that in second, get a vasectomy.

And I didn’t do either one. But he’s a great guy, and you guys who look for people who don’t know him, and they just see him as a really successful, attractive guy who does movies all around the world. He’s also the same guy who had to go to the bathroom with 10 minutes to go at WrestleMania, so I can get my match in. That’s the type of — he didn’t have to do it. That’s type of guy he is, so relaxed a little bit. He’s a humble guy. And he just said he said state instead of, you know, not state country.

GUTFELD: What do you think, Dave? Do you align with Tyrus? Don’t let him intimidate you.

DAVE BAHNSEN, FOUNDER BAHNSEN GROUP: I align with him as of about 20 seconds ago. The reality is that it’s a fair point, and someone has a commercial interest. And there’s sort of a line that you want to walk there. Yes, I also think Taiwan has a lot of money. And I think that there’s this opportunity for someone who may not be this moment in this person, for someone to come out on the other side of it and not apologize and open up a whole market in Taiwan is like the person willing to kind of see the truth. It’s unfortunate we’re still in this situation. You remember that LeBron James thing and all this stuff at the NBA a couple years back? 

Look, there’s a lot of money there, there’s a lot on the line. But I do think at some point, someone will have to say the truth, not apologize, and they’ll end up making money off of that.

CAIN: So here’s what I think there’s a couple of thoughts we can hold at the same time. First, we can’t hold John Cena to a standard that the United States of America second as a man The only thing I’ll criticize him for is sort of the groveling nature of the apology, like he really meant I’m sorry here, and we know why to your point, Tyrus, because he wants to make money. 

The difference between Cena and LeBron though, is that Cena hasn’t spent the past decade preaching to the rest of us about humanity and civil rights and human rights totally contradicting themselves on a moment’s notice like LeBron did. But the big thing here is just how much capital, how much Chinese dollars control every single person’s mouth, right? 

GUTFELD: It’s so true.

CAIN: We will censor ourselves if you pay the right price, John Cena or anyone else and that’s, that’s terrifying

GUTFELD: We, our culture is on their payroll.

CAIN: Yes

GUTFELD: I mean that’s in that and that’s just the way it is acting sports you name it. So, Kat, this must be difficult for you as libertarian that you know you’re for free markets and everything like that, but there’s also some humanitarian concerns libertarians, you know.

TIMPF: Well, it’s difficult for me because I just even in terms of written word, always confuse John Cena with Michael Cera. 

GUTFELD: That is a confusion. 

TIMPF: The male lead in the coming of age drama, Juno.

GUTFELD: A terrible movie. 

TIMPF: I mean, you know, not great, but I just I this is the first time I know what he looks like. I really thought kind of maybe perhaps he didn’t really understand how he was even maybe being controversial and the first thing he said, because otherwise I feel like it would have been easy to dance around. 

He could have just been like the people of Taiwan without mentioning the word country. Like if you’re dating a guy he wants to you know, clearly is going to cheat on you, but he thinks lying would be a bridge too far. And he said like, oh, I’m going out to dinner and they are picking me up at so and so without you. 

So, he doesn’t have to say she he could have danced around it. I don’t think he really, I don’t know, but he then to the groveling of the apology I also think was didn’t want to go that far with that either. But I’m also not making any money in China. I don’t know what I would do if I was offered some.

GUTFELD: You know what, you would make, make a stand I’m sure. Unless it’s lot of money then to everything —

TYRUS: She’s in charge of pairing people up. Cena in Juno. Wow. Wow.

TIMPF: Michael Cera, I don’t know. I don’t watch the wrestling. Sorry. 

GUTFELD: The wrestling.

TYRUS: The wrestling or the sports or the Star Wars.

TIMPF: I don’t pretend that I do. 

TYRUS: No, you don’t. You’re very consistent. 

GUTFELD: All right. And her husband got a spider bite. Up next, will an ad singer regret making Marxist raps.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: They threatened Senator Paul with no fear at all. The FBI is investigating a package filled with white powder and a threatening image that was sent to Senator Rand Paul’s Kentucky home. The image of Paul in a neck brace with a crutch complete with the words: “I’ll finish what your neighbors started, (BLEEP).” Has all the signs of a doozy. Referring to the

2018 attack that left the Senator with five rib fractures. Paul wrote in a statement, “I take these threats immensely seriously. I’ve been targeted multiple times now. It is reprehensible that Twitter allows C-list celebrities to advocate for violence against me and my family.” 

What is he referring to? Well, “Just this weekend, Richard Marx, remember him? Called for violence against me. And now we received this despicable powder filled letter.” Can you imagine calling Richard Marx a celebrity? I guess he is. He is history’s second biggest jerk named Marx, who is apparently a musician had tweeted over the weekend that he would love to hug and buy drinks for the neighbor who had assaulted Paul. Actually, Marx has had three number one singles including this one. What’s ironic is that, that was actually written about Rand Paul 20 years ago. Makes no sense. OK, Dave, which is more dangerous walking through Times Square or being Rand Paul? 

BAHNSEN: Rand Paul walking through Times Square. 

GUTFELD: That is the correct answer.

BAHNSEN: I just realized you weren’t talking about Groucho Marx with the first, and I’m very grateful that Karl is getting that rap because Richard Marx as bad as this is, is the only the second worst in history. And that song is only the second worse Richard Marx song, as a matter of fact. But no, this is very weird. 

GUTFELD: It’s weird.

BAHNSEN: That he feels the need to come out, and it’s also weird to even call him a C-list celebrity. There are lower letters in the alphabet for Richard Marx. 

GUTFELD: Yes. So, Tyrus, you deal with lots of rivalries and feuds. What the hell is going on in this one? What’s the backstory?

TYRUS: OK. Well, first of all, there’s nothing more scarier than being threatened by an R&B singer. Because much like the song the beatings going to go on for a really long time. There’s going to be a lot of repetitive stuff, you know, in these harmonizing ways, stepping on you just — I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t want to put anybody have to go back and say Richard Marx just showed up in my house and beat me up and then made me sing his song. Like there’s a lot of horrible thing Rand Paul is probably has the most creative group of assassins ever than the neighbor, Richard Marx. What’s next? 

You know, then you’re going to hear that maybe big birds in his neighborhood like come out bitch, come out. Like, he just like random, random things like Woody Harrelson dressed as Woody from “Cheers.” Come on out, Paul, come by the mail — I mean, this dude, just he’s been writing, this whole point about he’s right all the time. He stood up to Fauci, he was right. He said, like we shouldn’t be given all this extra money. He was right. 

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: So, all the assassins and all the haters watching you —

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: I sit on public enemy. Cube, no.

GUTFELD: It’s true. 

TYRUS: Richard Marx, got it. R.M. is coming for you.

CAIN: That Richard take this one. 

GUTFELD: Why is this — I don’t understand this. 

CAIN: Doesn’t happen to Mitch McConnell. Why do they hate, why do they hate Rand Paul?

GUTFELD: And why such an obscure hater? 

CAIN: It’s what, it’s because of what Tyrus said. He has attacked their current High Priest. He has attacked Dr. Fauci over and over and over and been right every step of the way on vaccines or masks or whatever may be and this has become a religion for the Richard Marx’s of the world. This is my guess that this is about Fauci.

GUTFELD: It’s Marxism.

CAIN: This is Marxism.

TYRUS: And just, just putting it out there, maybe it’s time to move. The neighbor is beating you up, R&B singers driving up and down the streets, and the MGM looking for you. 

GUTFELD: Apparently everybody knows where he lives, Kat. That’s the — but OK, can you explain to me what is going on in Richard Marx’s head. Like, I don’t — does he do that, is this like a regular thing on his part?

TIMPF: I don’t know. I didn’t even know that I knew who it was until you play that song. And I was like, Oh, I have non-consensually heard that so many, many times. I’ve never put it out on purpose. But yes, I get the Rand Paul he, he also was just at his house in D.C. when he was leaving the Trump’s. All these people screaming at him (INAUDIBLE) him saying Breonna Taylor like say her name and it’s like, OK, he went a step beyond just saying her name, just less than two months before that by naming a bill that he introduced after her the justice for Breonna Taylor Act to add no- knock warrants. So, it’s really truly crazy. It’s nothing, you know, violence shouldn’t try to solve things with violence. Also, it gets so much worse when people try to solve things with violence. And they’re too dumb to realize that it’s not even the problem that they think it is, right.

GUTFELD: Exactly. Also, this is in the sense some powder to him. Like some powder, do they know what the powder is? 

BAHNSEN: It’s benign, right? They said it was nothing. 

GUTFELD: Yes. There you go.

TYRUS: No, it was probably like talcum powder. It’s a slow kill. You know, it’s a slow kill. This stuff is incredible. 

BAHNSEN: Like a Richard Marx song.

TYRUS: Yes. 

GUTFELD: Yes. It’s a real bummer when you get powder in the mail, and it’s not what you thought it was. Anyway, up next, how long could you survive in nature before you meet your maker?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Do you have the goods to survive in the woods? Are you tough enough to thrive in the rough? New survey, my favorite kind. Finds that the average American thinks they can survive 16 days alone in the wilderness, indefinitely if there’s a Dollar General nearby, yet only 70 percent think they could start a fire. Maybe they think it takes 16 days to freeze to death. I don’t know. And just 14 percent could identify edible plants or berries in nature. They’ll be asleep quicker than Ben Carson at the opera. 

In other words, the average American absolutely would not survive 16 days alone in the wilderness. There’s a big difference between surviving in the Amazon and surviving because of Amazon. Still, that same survey found almost two-thirds of Americans say the past year has given them a newfound appreciation for the great outdoors. That includes my awesome new roommates, Rod and Rex. They love nature and they party.

You know, they always get like that when I put on Richard Marx, it’s insane. Well, you don’t strike me as a wilderness type, but you’re from Texas, so you could probably survive. How long? 

CAIN: Well, I don’t know if I could go 16 days, but I’m going to take first place in this group. I think I’ve got Newport Beach, for sure. For sure about Louisiana.

BAHNSEN: Yes, you definitely have me beat. I could do a one day in the hospital accountant or husband. But I don’t — the 16 day thing. Now, this whole thing reminded me it was the funny part to me is people not knowing how to start a fire and saying they could survive that long that sort of misunderstanding of what it takes. There was a study a couple years ago, people said it was like all the testing scores and public schools it was the worst reading, worst arithmetic, worst writing, and then they have the highest self-esteem they’ve ever had. They felt good about they can’t read or write or count where they feel good about it. People feeling this way so disconnected from their own capabilities seems to be a new phenomenon.

TIMPF: Yes, but it also didn’t say what you could bring or not bring with you. 

GUTFELD: That is true.

TIMPF: I could survive in the wilderness but I would bring like a lighter. 

My Canada goose jacket. A bag chex mix, some beef jerky. 

BAHNSEN: That’s day one. 

TIMPF: Someone else. And I think it’d be good. 

GUTFELD: Someone with a helicopter. 

TIMPF: Yes. 

GUTFELD: I don’t know. Tyrus, are you an outdoorsman?

TYRUS: Yes, most of my life. So, camping for two weeks, like real camping, not that like cabin stuff. Being out in the area is not really that big a deal. As long as you’re not afraid to kill things and scare things which I’m not. So, that’s the biggest thing is everyone says they can do it. 

Until even just their first day without good water or good food, you’ll see people go really quick. And if you don’t know how to dig a well if you don’t know how to make a fire with sticks or whatever, you’re going to have a really hard time being out there. 

Plus, the animals are different in the woods. It’s not like the stuff in your front yard. Even the squirrels are more like what you doing here? You know what I’m saying like, the rabbits don’t run, they just kind of like this dude. You know, I’m saying like they, they don’t they’re not afraid of you. Because you’re on their turf and you don’t — once they realize you don’t have to bang steak, it’s completely different. 

TIMPF: Water. I would also bring water.

TYRUS: Yes, a little bit late. That should have been the first thing you brought, but yes.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. No, a water purifier. So, what you’re telling me is Disney lied to me growing up. I thought that when you went into the woods, there were all these butterflies with land.

TYRUS: No, they’re not going to be your friends. They’re not going to do your chores. 

GUTFELD: Yes. 

TYRUS: Geico was actually good with a show the water that the woman ends up falling if you follow the cartoon characters around. Same thing in the woods, Greg, if you fall a little birdie a bear is going to get you. 

GUTFELD: You know what, though, bear attacks are very rare. I read that in the paper. 

TYRUS: Because you don’t go in the forest much. I guarantee every time you go in, a bear would attack you.

GUTFELD: Not my kind of bear. Look, you know, you know how I —

TIMPF: I knew it. 

GUTFELD: I don’t know why I said that. You know what, how I would deal with, this is how I would survive the wilderness. I would sleep through it. 

I think I could sleep through just about anything, right? Just like lie down and just sleep.

TYRUS: In your cabin, and you’re next to the forest.

GUTFELD: No, I would, I would cover myself —

TYRUS: You would go in the forest. 

GUTFELD: I would cover myself in leaves, and I would pretend I’m on a crash diet. 

TIMPF: You could survive in the wilderness as long as you were in a coma. 

GUTFELD: That what I’m saying. I would try to —

TYRUS: Bottle of wine.

GUTFELD: Bottle of wine. By the way, that’s the best thing to get through anything would be some kind of prescription medication. 

CAIN: So, just knock your —

GUTFELD: Knock yourself out. 

TYRUS: You’re not even going to make the bear earn it, you’re just going to be —

GUYTFELD: The bear would walk right by me because I wouldn’t be rustling.

TYRUS: No, you would have to get the last word.

CAIN: One of the bears, one of the bears you play dead anyway Grizzly or black bear. I can’t remember, but playing dead wood work so you’re off to a good start here.

TYRUS: But you have to understand they’re going to chew on something to make sure you’re dead. Dead people, they always leave that out, like play dead and the bear starts picking you up by your hands kind of hard to still play dead. 

GUTFELD: But, you know, and also you really don’t want to survive a bear attack. 

TYRUS: No, which — if you’re going to be in a place with bears have somebody smaller and not as fast or strong as you around. 

CAIN: That’s exactly right. You don’t have to outrun the lion —

TYRUS: You got to outrun the dude, yes.

GUTFELD: So, Kilmeade. All right, don’t move. We’ll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: We are out of time. What a surprise. Set your DVRs every night so you never miss an episode of this glorious show. Thanks to Will Cain, David Bahnsen, Kat Timpf, Tyrus, our studio audience. “FOX NEWS @ NIGHT” with evil Shannon Bream is next. I’m Greg Gutfeld and I love you, America.

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